“Carrying a grudge is like carrying a red-hot rock or giving the person who hurt you a lifetime of free rent in your mind. Why would you want to do that? In some families, grievances and resentment are held for years, even decades. We forgive people who we imagine have harmed us because, for our own mental health, we want to lay down the burden of the past rather than carry it into the present.
It appears that forgiveness is an essential step on the road to peace. It is not forgetting, but forgiving and letting go that heals all separations. Russell Targ, Limitless Mind
Another thought along the same lines is: carrying anger, rage and hostility toward another is like drinking poison and hoping the other will die!
Often people seem to think that forgiveness is condoning hurtful behavior by others but it is not—it is really about freeing ourselves from carrying around burdens that weigh us down.
Another misconception is that we can think our way to forgiveness. Thought provides a first step—to intellectually understand what has occurred, but we must engage our emotional energy as well. Why? Because that is the place where all our ‘meaningful” life experience is stored. By engaging the emotions we can access the actual energies that are blocked or distorted, release them, and open up more space for freedom, inner peace and joy to flow.
Excerpt from Letting Go: The Heart of Healing
We do not have to spend years on the couch processing our history, but we do need to address how our psyches and nervous systems have been affected.
Healing may begin with our story as a means of identifying where we are wounded. Then it becomes a matter of connecting with the stuck places within and unblocking the energy that has been stagnant or frozen there—releasing it to flow and nourishing our life and inner being.
Oftentimes people believe that they need resolution around their emotional wounds—but in fact what we require is more like a completion so we can let the effects go, and reboot our nervous systems. Having done this in effect frees up frozen or split off energies and connects us more completely to our wholeness. Then our way forward is much more possible with an ease and fullness that supports our desires and goals.
Remarkably, often once we release our resistance and stop defending or reacting to feeling the effects of the past and have progressed to completion, inner tension dissipates leaving a stronger internal bond in addition to a greater flow of energy.
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